Ever since I can remember,
We would meet in a special place made for only you and me:
A bright, green field with nothing but a lonely sundial.
At the start of each spring,
That is where you would be waiting for me.
We were young and had no concept of time,
Or the consequences it brings
So we thought nothing of playing around that single sundial.
We were content just to be in each other’s company.
Then when the summer would fade,
We always promised to meet back in the same place at winter’s end.
We were naïve to think that
We would remain unchanged.
We were too stupid to see that youth melts away.
Our naivety died on the spring day when
We saw each other and realized,
We were two strangers meeting for the first time.
We were shocked to see a single winter could change everything.
We tried to smile through the grief but
It only made the hurt worse.
So the next day,
It was only me
Staring at that sundial.
I was made to realize
How much time had actually gone by.
Seven years never seemed like much until it was glaring me in the face.
I was forced to reconcile that
The shadow on the sundial’s face and I are one in the same-
Soon we both will fade away and be nothing
But a distant memory.
We used to chase butterflies but now
We are chasing dreams, trying to find where we’re meant to be.
Yet, I still can’t help but hold onto my childhood hope
That you will be brought back to me.
So, if your dreams do lead you to try and find me,
Meet me far from the sundial,
So we can be naïve again and try to outrun time.

There is a place people go
To illuminate all of their deepest fantasies and
Make their misery temporarily disappear.
A place that exists on the edge of reality,
Supported by the dreams of those who have long since
Left them behind.
The citizens are of a special breed;
Their history clearly marked on the same sleeve as their heart.
It is not by chance that this is where we always meet.
Bellied up to the bar,
You confess that all of your dreams have been watered down.
And, from what I can see,
You’ve pursued happiness with every fiber of your being.
But you must realize one thing:
You need to move on.
Take it from someone who knows,
This type of comfort is deadly in high doses.
After eight years of living here,
This place has nothing left to offer you.
It’s not that I am unsympathetic,
I understand better than most
The fear you feel
And the lull of this sweet sound but it is clear-
You need to leave.
Though she may be beautiful,
This seemingly peaceful town will only drag you down.
So run while you can,
While you can still be free,
And find peace anywhere but here.

Where to begin.
How could I start to write in words the way that I feel?
I’ll try my best but,
Promise me,
You won’t laugh when it comes out wrong or sappy.
When we first met,
We both agreed that
The simple life is overrated and
Life is better when it’s complicated.
So we blurred the lines and
Blended our colors to make a
Lovely, passionate gray.
You were my knight rocking black and blue and
I was your maiden tied up from behind.
We didn’t care what people said because,
For that moment,
We were the only thing we had.
When I was with you,
I shone brighter than any star
But maybe that was only because of the glitter on my eyes.
Yes, there were girls with nicer makeup and
Expensive clothes but
None of them cared about you like me.
But, from the start,
I knew this wasn’t meant to last.
So, I guess what I’m trying to say is:
Thanks for all the laughs
And for all the great memories, and, most importantly,
Never making me feel alone and letting me
Know, it doesn’t matter what people say or think of me.

I have often lied when people ask that age-old question,
“Are you all right?”
I grin, look them right in the eye, and lie.
But I am finished lying:
I am not all right.
Now, I have never been one to inspire pity, but
In Sunday school they taught me that the truth will set you free.
So, in all honesty,
He hurt me.
I admit, I was no lamb to the slaughter.
At best, I was a black sheep that strayed into danger,
But I can finally admit it was not just me.
He was a humble heart,
A fellow black sheep,
That grew scared and ran away
Leaving me to fend for myself in a wilderness filled with wolves and unfriendly beasts.
At first, I was scared to complete this venture on my own because
We went in together.
But this black sheep found its way home
And has clarity that only comes with completing a journey on your own.
Out of the woods, into the light,
I can finally see,
I really am all right.

I can no longer lie and say,
He has not crossed my mind.
He did, at one point, care for me.
And I can’t shake this feeling that one day,
He will complete his own journey and come back to me;
And by that, I don’t mean crawling.
He will walk to me with the same confidence I have found and say,
“I’m sorry.”
I won’t deny how much he hurt me,
I have battle scars to prove it,
But forgiveness is stronger than hate and fear,
That is what I believe.
And the reason I can say that is because of those words he once spoke to me,
“Hope is alive.”

 

Open Mic reading of “A Letter From The Crazy One”

Ever wonder what the Grouchy Artist looks and sounds like in person? Well here’s your chance to find out. This was my first open mic so you can probably hear the nerves in my voice but, hey, practice makes perfect. Hopefully there are many more to come. Hope you guys enjoy!

Link  —  Posted: May 14, 2014 in poetry, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

Dear Daphne,
I don’t know if you will ever see this,
I don’t know if you have the patience to even read my name,
But I have so much to confess.
I know I promised I was here to help you heal.
I swore I would never make you cry.
I looked in your bright brown eyes and said,
“I know what it feels like to be hurt,
I’ll always be here for you.”
I went back on my word.
I let my mind run away
And let it take my trust and understanding with it.
It was always hard for me to believe
Someone could care for me,
But when we met, you made me see that it could be true.
But instead of letting you in,
I took a step back
Off the edge of rationality.
 I hurt myself,
But worst of all,
I hurt you.
You, with the most honest and true soul I’ve ever had the honor of seeing.
The one who always reassured me that It will all be okay in the end.
I wish there was a way for me to justify not believing it.
Shame should be brought upon me for ever daring to question
Such a pure heart.
I wish I could take it all back because,
Deep down,
I knew all your reassurances to be true.
But I can’t.
And I will never be able to erase the hurt I imposed upon you.
I hope one day you will forgive me, and things will be the way they once were.
Maybe one day you will look at me and smile again.
Maybe I will even be able to make you laugh.
Or maybe someone will come along and they’ll be the one to mend your heart and
You’ll forget all about me.
That is what I deserve, really.
But know that even if years make your memories of me fade,
I will never let go of the kindness you have shown me
And I’ll take this heartache and guilt with me to the grave.
So, if this is indeed farewell,
Know that no one will ever be
More beautiful or true than you
My dearest Daphne.

I have often been referred to,
By friends, enemies and the like,
As The Crazy One.
I’m the one who can jump to the worst conclusion so fast
I’d win the gold in the Olympic event.
The one who let’s fear dictate her present,
And is ruled by the horrors of her past.
The one who pushes away all the wrong people,
Yet clings to the words of those who have hurt me.
I believed when they told me
I’m broken.
But please,
Take a minute to live inside my head
And try to understand how I feel.
Maybe then you can see the reason behind my insanity
And be able to forgive my insecurities.
Yes, I am crazy,
But it stems from genuine feelings,
A desire to hold you near,
And a deep seeded fear that you will leave me because
I am The Crazy One.
So I’m sorry that I’m a liability,
But believe me when I say
I’m only crazy because
I care.

Every story has a leading lady-
A fearless heroine,
A clever femme fatale.
But this one has none.
Just a girl with a dream,
But too many cares to ever be free.
Constantly cast aside
But at the ready when someone is in need.
The sinner among the saints
For their entertainment.
A quick mind and a steady wit,
She’s the first to produce a laugh and fall
For the sake of it.
She’s his go to for a quick stretch,
His favorite companion in the dark.
But as he sleeps,
She dreams about being drawn out into the light.
The life of her own party,
She’s left out when the celebration rolls around.
So she sits alone and waits for the day
Someone will finally say,
“That’s my girl.”

I saw him in CVS one day and knew immediately that
He needed me.
His eyes called to me like a lonely corpse
In an unmarked grave.
I paid far less than he was worth.
I listened to him speak in the arena of
My private Hell
As he recited a gospel of hope and despair so true
I nearly bled.
As he went on,
it was as if he was at my side
Showing me salvation can be had.
I hugged him so tight that the pages folded and bent
Like the edges of my heart.
His words dripped down from
My tears.
Crumbled in a ball on the floor,
these pages made me realize
It wasn’t just me,

I am in a delicate place,
Stuck walking a line between
Fantasy and reality.
I battle what I think we are
And what we really are.
I’d love to believe that we are all right but
Past experience tells me otherwise.
So now I’m trapped,
Wondering about you and I.
I don’t know if you really care for me or
This is all made up in my head.
Paranoia is bad but
Make-believe is worse.
That false reality that you can touch and see.
So I tried to give you space because
I know you are scared because you are scarred
But the distance between
Us kills me inside.
My heart aches because I’m terrified that soon
There will only be one party left in
You and I.
And yet,
You are always there to help me up when
I hurt myself jumping to conclusions.
You kiss all of my cuts and bruises,
Wipe the blood away and you tell me,
“Hold onto hope because
It is alive.”
I can’t promise that I won’t jump
And stumble again,
But I’ll do the best I can and
Sit and watch the world go by with you
And take life as it comes-
One step at a time.