Posts Tagged ‘hope’

Your eyes became dull and hazed
Overused razor blades
Tearing, scraping, pulling my skin.
You lost that smooth electricity in your gaze
That caused every fiber of me to stand on the edge of eternity.
Every breath you took became labored, trying to find a reason, any at all, to carry on.
And your reason was harder on me than the pills you swallowed.
I know living is hard to accept when you can wallow in alcohol and self-pity.
So I threw my ring at you to try and break
The circle we had been living in.
A year and a half I had to wait for you to climb back up
From the underground. The journey down is a lot easier than the one back-
It’s a slip and slide
Just down on your knees and
Go.
But after that year and a half, I don’t know if I’m ready yet
To accept the fact that
We both have changed.
Your eyes are no longer dulled but I still see
The reflection of pain staring back at me.
Your forehead is still wrinkled from all the time you spent worrying about
Where you still get your next fix. My bags are darker and heavier than you remember.
The problem is, there is only so long we can rely on the clowns to pass the show
Before we have to make the curtain call.
Sooner rather than later
We have to decide where we go.
Do we hold hands or do we
Walk blind and alone?
You tell me.

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Ever since I can remember,
We would meet in a special place made for only you and me:
A bright, green field with nothing but a lonely sundial.
At the start of each spring,
That is where you would be waiting for me.
We were young and had no concept of time,
Or the consequences it brings
So we thought nothing of playing around that single sundial.
We were content just to be in each other’s company.
Then when the summer would fade,
We always promised to meet back in the same place at winter’s end.
We were naïve to think that
We would remain unchanged.
We were too stupid to see that youth melts away.
Our naivety died on the spring day when
We saw each other and realized,
We were two strangers meeting for the first time.
We were shocked to see a single winter could change everything.
We tried to smile through the grief but
It only made the hurt worse.
So the next day,
It was only me
Staring at that sundial.
I was made to realize
How much time had actually gone by.
Seven years never seemed like much until it was glaring me in the face.
I was forced to reconcile that
The shadow on the sundial’s face and I are one in the same-
Soon we both will fade away and be nothing
But a distant memory.
We used to chase butterflies but now
We are chasing dreams, trying to find where we’re meant to be.
Yet, I still can’t help but hold onto my childhood hope
That you will be brought back to me.
So, if your dreams do lead you to try and find me,
Meet me far from the sundial,
So we can be naïve again and try to outrun time.

I have often lied when people ask that age-old question,
“Are you all right?”
I grin, look them right in the eye, and lie.
But I am finished lying:
I am not all right.
Now, I have never been one to inspire pity, but
In Sunday school they taught me that the truth will set you free.
So, in all honesty,
He hurt me.
I admit, I was no lamb to the slaughter.
At best, I was a black sheep that strayed into danger,
But I can finally admit it was not just me.
He was a humble heart,
A fellow black sheep,
That grew scared and ran away
Leaving me to fend for myself in a wilderness filled with wolves and unfriendly beasts.
At first, I was scared to complete this venture on my own because
We went in together.
But this black sheep found its way home
And has clarity that only comes with completing a journey on your own.
Out of the woods, into the light,
I can finally see,
I really am all right.

I can no longer lie and say,
He has not crossed my mind.
He did, at one point, care for me.
And I can’t shake this feeling that one day,
He will complete his own journey and come back to me;
And by that, I don’t mean crawling.
He will walk to me with the same confidence I have found and say,
“I’m sorry.”
I won’t deny how much he hurt me,
I have battle scars to prove it,
But forgiveness is stronger than hate and fear,
That is what I believe.
And the reason I can say that is because of those words he once spoke to me,
“Hope is alive.”

 

I am in a delicate place,
Stuck walking a line between
Fantasy and reality.
I battle what I think we are
And what we really are.
I’d love to believe that we are all right but
Past experience tells me otherwise.
So now I’m trapped,
Wondering about you and I.
I don’t know if you really care for me or
This is all made up in my head.
Paranoia is bad but
Make-believe is worse.
That false reality that you can touch and see.
So I tried to give you space because
I know you are scared because you are scarred
But the distance between
Us kills me inside.
My heart aches because I’m terrified that soon
There will only be one party left in
You and I.
And yet,
You are always there to help me up when
I hurt myself jumping to conclusions.
You kiss all of my cuts and bruises,
Wipe the blood away and you tell me,
“Hold onto hope because
It is alive.”
I can’t promise that I won’t jump
And stumble again,
But I’ll do the best I can and
Sit and watch the world go by with you
And take life as it comes-
One step at a time.