Posts Tagged ‘poetry’

I’ve been told that I have his eyes
Lit with laughter even when
There is no sun, but there is black
At their center, darkness
That grows and shrinks.
A darkness that breeds excuses
I promise, it’s not my fault
It won’t happen again, next time.
Sometimes the darkness consumes
My whole eye, leaving it void.
Then the light returns and
The darkness shrinks
Smaller and smaller
until it’s almost
gone.
I have my father’s eyes and
The darkness he passed down.

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It wasn’t the full moon that night but
He changed anyway into
Something that didn’t recognize me.
He looked down with
Eyes I had never seen
That starved for something
I couldn’t give to him.
All monsters have a birthplace
Somewhere it always lurked.
Waiting, pacing, prowling.
Inside the man lay the wolf and
The wolf pounced that night.

It cackled at me as I walked in
Overpowered his genuine, “Good morning, sweetie.”
The black and purple ringlets circled his neck
Just like how his ring once circle my finger
But that was a long time ago and this is happening now.
He kissed me eagerly trying to heal my freshly opened wound.
Was it good, I say to myself, Was she what you needed
To get your through the night
Since a shot of Jack Daniels clearly wasn’t enough.
He saw his reflection in my eyes and
Looked down in shame
Like a puppy who had been reprimanded for chewing something he wasn’t supposed to.
My gaze was locked on him. I thought that maybe if I stared at it long enough
It would disappear like the Cheshire Cat’s grin. The teeth marks only mocked me more
With its malicious smile.
People began to question if I was a slut or just plain stupid;
I’d rather be a slut because then at least I marked what is mine.

He made me breakfast when I wasn’t looking.
He approached me cautiously, like a puppy with a leash begging to be walked
And said so softly I could barely hear,
“I made you this, sweetie.” I’ve always hated breakfast but
He was the only one that knew how to hit the spot.
He attempted to draw a heart on the plate with extra hot sauce but
It was runny and distorted.
He didn’t make himself any food that day.
I couldn’t eat it right away- I had to swallow my pride first.
I found him sitting on a crate in the back, head down and defeated.
“It was delicious,” I say, “But it’s dangerous to give hot sauce to a woman who’s already fired up.”
He laughed.
Laughing is a sign of game over, you won.
He hugged me tightly,
“I love you.”
“I love you most.”

Your eyes became dull and hazed
Overused razor blades
Tearing, scraping, pulling my skin.
You lost that smooth electricity in your gaze
That caused every fiber of me to stand on the edge of eternity.
Every breath you took became labored, trying to find a reason, any at all, to carry on.
And your reason was harder on me than the pills you swallowed.
I know living is hard to accept when you can wallow in alcohol and self-pity.
So I threw my ring at you to try and break
The circle we had been living in.
A year and a half I had to wait for you to climb back up
From the underground. The journey down is a lot easier than the one back-
It’s a slip and slide
Just down on your knees and
Go.
But after that year and a half, I don’t know if I’m ready yet
To accept the fact that
We both have changed.
Your eyes are no longer dulled but I still see
The reflection of pain staring back at me.
Your forehead is still wrinkled from all the time you spent worrying about
Where you still get your next fix. My bags are darker and heavier than you remember.
The problem is, there is only so long we can rely on the clowns to pass the show
Before we have to make the curtain call.
Sooner rather than later
We have to decide where we go.
Do we hold hands or do we
Walk blind and alone?
You tell me.

Ever since I can remember,
We would meet in a special place made for only you and me:
A bright, green field with nothing but a lonely sundial.
At the start of each spring,
That is where you would be waiting for me.
We were young and had no concept of time,
Or the consequences it brings
So we thought nothing of playing around that single sundial.
We were content just to be in each other’s company.
Then when the summer would fade,
We always promised to meet back in the same place at winter’s end.
We were naïve to think that
We would remain unchanged.
We were too stupid to see that youth melts away.
Our naivety died on the spring day when
We saw each other and realized,
We were two strangers meeting for the first time.
We were shocked to see a single winter could change everything.
We tried to smile through the grief but
It only made the hurt worse.
So the next day,
It was only me
Staring at that sundial.
I was made to realize
How much time had actually gone by.
Seven years never seemed like much until it was glaring me in the face.
I was forced to reconcile that
The shadow on the sundial’s face and I are one in the same-
Soon we both will fade away and be nothing
But a distant memory.
We used to chase butterflies but now
We are chasing dreams, trying to find where we’re meant to be.
Yet, I still can’t help but hold onto my childhood hope
That you will be brought back to me.
So, if your dreams do lead you to try and find me,
Meet me far from the sundial,
So we can be naïve again and try to outrun time.

There is a place people go
To illuminate all of their deepest fantasies and
Make their misery temporarily disappear.
A place that exists on the edge of reality,
Supported by the dreams of those who have long since
Left them behind.
The citizens are of a special breed;
Their history clearly marked on the same sleeve as their heart.
It is not by chance that this is where we always meet.
Bellied up to the bar,
You confess that all of your dreams have been watered down.
And, from what I can see,
You’ve pursued happiness with every fiber of your being.
But you must realize one thing:
You need to move on.
Take it from someone who knows,
This type of comfort is deadly in high doses.
After eight years of living here,
This place has nothing left to offer you.
It’s not that I am unsympathetic,
I understand better than most
The fear you feel
And the lull of this sweet sound but it is clear-
You need to leave.
Though she may be beautiful,
This seemingly peaceful town will only drag you down.
So run while you can,
While you can still be free,
And find peace anywhere but here.

Where to begin.
How could I start to write in words the way that I feel?
I’ll try my best but,
Promise me,
You won’t laugh when it comes out wrong or sappy.
When we first met,
We both agreed that
The simple life is overrated and
Life is better when it’s complicated.
So we blurred the lines and
Blended our colors to make a
Lovely, passionate gray.
You were my knight rocking black and blue and
I was your maiden tied up from behind.
We didn’t care what people said because,
For that moment,
We were the only thing we had.
When I was with you,
I shone brighter than any star
But maybe that was only because of the glitter on my eyes.
Yes, there were girls with nicer makeup and
Expensive clothes but
None of them cared about you like me.
But, from the start,
I knew this wasn’t meant to last.
So, I guess what I’m trying to say is:
Thanks for all the laughs
And for all the great memories, and, most importantly,
Never making me feel alone and letting me
Know, it doesn’t matter what people say or think of me.

I have often lied when people ask that age-old question,
“Are you all right?”
I grin, look them right in the eye, and lie.
But I am finished lying:
I am not all right.
Now, I have never been one to inspire pity, but
In Sunday school they taught me that the truth will set you free.
So, in all honesty,
He hurt me.
I admit, I was no lamb to the slaughter.
At best, I was a black sheep that strayed into danger,
But I can finally admit it was not just me.
He was a humble heart,
A fellow black sheep,
That grew scared and ran away
Leaving me to fend for myself in a wilderness filled with wolves and unfriendly beasts.
At first, I was scared to complete this venture on my own because
We went in together.
But this black sheep found its way home
And has clarity that only comes with completing a journey on your own.
Out of the woods, into the light,
I can finally see,
I really am all right.

I can no longer lie and say,
He has not crossed my mind.
He did, at one point, care for me.
And I can’t shake this feeling that one day,
He will complete his own journey and come back to me;
And by that, I don’t mean crawling.
He will walk to me with the same confidence I have found and say,
“I’m sorry.”
I won’t deny how much he hurt me,
I have battle scars to prove it,
But forgiveness is stronger than hate and fear,
That is what I believe.
And the reason I can say that is because of those words he once spoke to me,
“Hope is alive.”

 

Open Mic reading of “A Letter From The Crazy One”

Ever wonder what the Grouchy Artist looks and sounds like in person? Well here’s your chance to find out. This was my first open mic so you can probably hear the nerves in my voice but, hey, practice makes perfect. Hopefully there are many more to come. Hope you guys enjoy!

Dear Daphne,
I don’t know if you will ever see this,
I don’t know if you have the patience to even read my name,
But I have so much to confess.
I know I promised I was here to help you heal.
I swore I would never make you cry.
I looked in your bright brown eyes and said,
“I know what it feels like to be hurt,
I’ll always be here for you.”
I went back on my word.
I let my mind run away
And let it take my trust and understanding with it.
It was always hard for me to believe
Someone could care for me,
But when we met, you made me see that it could be true.
But instead of letting you in,
I took a step back
Off the edge of rationality.
 I hurt myself,
But worst of all,
I hurt you.
You, with the most honest and true soul I’ve ever had the honor of seeing.
The one who always reassured me that It will all be okay in the end.
I wish there was a way for me to justify not believing it.
Shame should be brought upon me for ever daring to question
Such a pure heart.
I wish I could take it all back because,
Deep down,
I knew all your reassurances to be true.
But I can’t.
And I will never be able to erase the hurt I imposed upon you.
I hope one day you will forgive me, and things will be the way they once were.
Maybe one day you will look at me and smile again.
Maybe I will even be able to make you laugh.
Or maybe someone will come along and they’ll be the one to mend your heart and
You’ll forget all about me.
That is what I deserve, really.
But know that even if years make your memories of me fade,
I will never let go of the kindness you have shown me
And I’ll take this heartache and guilt with me to the grave.
So, if this is indeed farewell,
Know that no one will ever be
More beautiful or true than you
My dearest Daphne.